ok, back to me now
September 9, 2010
If you listen to what your elders tell you, you’ve heard that your twenties provide many of life’s most important early journeys. I just marked year 25 in May and considering what a rollercoaster it’s been so far, I’m quite interested in seeing what the last 5 years will look like. I think that my twenties are most marked by a particular turning point where, after two unpleasant breakups and one broken heart I decided to change the way in which I led my life. It was a moment – a moment that extended to days, and then weeks, and then months – where I took a step on the path leading left instead of right. Moving forward I would set myself up to surpass my ambitions and do myself the honor of experiencing as many things as life felt inclined to offer. I wanted to teach myself over time that until I was happy and fulfilled in my independent life that I would never be able to find happiness that would sustain itself over the course of a relationship.
If you’ve read any earlier entries in the blog you’ve noted that I referenced my boyfriend (bf). I come to you months after my last entry to report that we are no longer together. I write this shortly after our breakup because I know we made the right decision. I knew this as we calmly discussed the areas of our relationship that simply weren’t working – and pondered where we’d gone off course. I feel relief that we’ve talked and that for the first time in my twenties I can proudly say I’ve salvaged the remains of a friendship that built a now fleeting love.
Our relationship was nothing if not honest. I was always upfront that I was independent and ultimately looking out for those things in life that make me most happy. I shared that I had passed the point where I’d change my life to fall in stride with a man. There were no surprises and that speaks volumes over the course of relationship, especially when it comes time to lay things to rest. I’m sad of course to watch him go; the inner soap opera that every woman posses is hard to quiet at those times. But moments later I take a deep breath and know that the days to come hold a life better suited for me.
photo {via}
